Canadian singer-songwriter Jann Arden says her new album is about learning from mistakes and embracing hardships, as she cares for her 82-year-old mother with Alzheimerâs disease.
Arden told ŰÎŰ´ŤĂ˝ Chief Anchor Lisa LaFlamme in a feature interview on Wednesday that when she started writing she was dealing with a lot of upheaval.
âI had ended a 10-year relationship. My mom and my dad were both quite ill,â she says. âI wasnât in great health. I was heavier than Iâd been in a long time and drinking too much ... It was just such a culmination.â
While writing the new music, Arden was also writing a book. tracks her experience coming to terms with her mother Joan Richardsâ illness while cooking for her nightly.
Arden says her mother was in her early 70s when she started showing signs of dementia, but Arden originally brushed it off as âgarden-varietyâ memory loss. Eventually it became clear that Richardsâ problems were not the normal signs of aging.
âSheâd pick up the phone and say, âWhat do you do with this?ââ Arden recalls. âThatâs not forgetting where your keys are.â
The diagnosis was difficult to accept. âI thought my mom would be on cruises now with her girlfriends and having a beer, and all those things were stolen from her,â Arden explains.
âBut having said that, my mom tells me every time I see her, âI love my life, I have a good life,ââ she says. âIâm on the lucky side of Alzheimerâs because my mom is quite cheery.â
The relationship hasnât been without strain, of course.
âI did go through a couple years of someone that I didnât know very well telling me Iâm the worst person in the world and Iâm going to go to hell,â she says.
Two years ago, Richardsâ disease progressed to the point that she needed full-time caregivers, despite Arden owning a home right across the road from her in rural Alberta.
Just days ago, Arden was to move Richards into a specialized care facility that can meet her complex medical needs.
âThis is the most difficult thing Iâve ever done,â she says. âYouâre basically parenting your parent.â
âBut what an honour,â she adds. âMy mom and dad were not perfect people but I would never have been able to do what Iâm doing without them.â
Ardenâs advice for caregivers
Arden says her biggest mistake when caring for her mother was acting as âthe memory police.â
She stopped doing that after âan epiphany,â she says. Richards was complaining about imaginary people at the house across the road -- Ardenâs house. Rather than explaining the situation, she told her mom, âYouâd think they could pick up a broom and do that deck.â
âWell yeah!â Richards responded, according to Arden.
âAnd we moved on,â she says. âIf someone would have told me itâs that easy: just go where they go ... be in the moment.â
The meaning behind the title track
Arden has written songs over the years about her mother, but she says the title track on âThese Are The Daysâ isnât about Richards.
Rather, it was written to herself. âThat song is very much about âThereâs life in you yet,ââ she says. âAlthough youâre kind of lost in the mire, you can still find your way through it and thatâs what âThese Are the Daysâ is about.â
âItâs also about kicking butt, not taking any prisoners, getting out there and doing your best and not being afraid to screw up,â Arden adds.
âIf youâre going to get out there and not be prepared to fail, youâre missing out in life,â she says. âFailure is half the fun.â
What is Alzheimerâs?
Alzheimerâs is a form of dementia that affects 564,000 Canadians, with the number is expected to reach 937,000 in 15 years, according to Alzheimerâs Society Canada.
Itâs not yet known what causes Alzheimerâs. include smoking, high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity, alcohol, low levels of formal education, depression, head injuries, family history and being female.
Alzheimerâs Society Canada says that
- Memory loss affecting day-to-day abilitiesâforgetting things often or struggling to retain new information.
- Difficulty performing familiar tasksâforgetting how to do something youâve been doing your whole life, such as preparing a meal or getting dressed.
- Problems with languageâforgetting words or substituting words that donât fit the context.
- Disorientation in time and spaceânot knowing what day of the week it is or getting lost in a familiar place.
- Impaired judgmentânot recognizing a medical problem that needs attention or wearing light clothing on a cold day.
- Problems with abstract thinkingânot understanding what numbers signify on a calculator, for example, or how theyâre used.
- Misplacing thingsâputting things in strange places, like an iron in the freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.
- Changes in mood and behaviourâexhibiting severe mood swings from being easy-going to quick-tempered.
- Changes in personalityâbehaving out of character such as feeling paranoid or threatened.
- Loss of initiativeâlosing interest in friends, family and favourite activities.